Stories

Here are some of my family’s stories, which I’m also sharing on Facebook and Instagram using the hashtag #ourapaheritage

I hope you will post your own stories on social media and I would be thrilled to post your stories here as well. Please email me at slee@ourapaheritage.com if you have questions.

I did not expect to marry another Korean American, largely due to demographics and probability. When I first started dating the woman I would eventually marry, our being Korean American meant little to us. We had no idea that our life was about to

I did not expect to marry another Korean American, largely due to demographics and probability. When I first started dating the woman I would eventually marry, our being Korean American meant little to us. We had no idea that our life was about to become something out of a Korean drama, and we might not be together now if we had known that at the beginning. (Part 1)

Helen started off wanting to be a doctor just like I and many immigrant kids did, but she followed her passions and became a violinist. When I first asked for her phone number, she thought I just wanted tickets to her Broadway show (The Producers, w

Helen started off wanting to be a doctor just like I and many immigrant kids did, but she followed her passions and became a violinist. When I first asked for her phone number, she thought I just wanted tickets to her Broadway show (The Producers, which was the Hamilton of its time). It was the backdrop to our early days - I picked her up there for our first date, and I proposed to her on stage after a show just over a year later. (Part 2)

Two generations earlier, our parents would have arranged our marriage. A generation earlier, our parents would have run background checks, at the least. But our parents did not meet until we were already engaged. Dinner went well. Afterwards, I s

Two generations earlier, our parents would have arranged our marriage. A generation earlier, our parents would have run background checks, at the least. But our parents did not meet until we were already engaged. Dinner went well. Afterwards, I showed Helen’s parents a photo album so that my late father could be part of the moment too. Helen’s mother saw these photos, asked his name and showed no reaction to the answer. (Part 3)

Helen was talking with her parents later that night, and her mother sighed. “Life is so strange,” she said. “I knew him. I knew Stephen’s father.” My father was the other man in Helen’s family legend – the doctor whom Helen’s mother almost marrie

Helen was talking with her parents later that night, and her mother sighed. “Life is so strange,” she said. “I knew him. I knew Stephen’s father.” My father was the other man in Helen’s family legend – the doctor whom Helen’s mother almost married in Korea and then went to the United States – and she never knew what happened to him. Until she saw my photo album that night. (Part 4)

“We have to talk,” Helen said, and she told me what she had learned. We told my mother the next day (I’m a lawyer – a coverup can be far worse than the crime), and I asked if she was okay. She knew what she had to say: “Yes, I’m okay.” Later, much

“We have to talk,” Helen said, and she told me what she had learned. We told my mother the next day (I’m a lawyer – a coverup can be far worse than the crime), and I asked if she was okay. She knew what she had to say: “Yes, I’m okay.” Later, much later, when she got over the shock and realized that my father had told her about this long ago, she really was okay. And Helen and I got married. (Part 5)

I have tried learning Korean a few times, but my inability to understand Korean is actually part of a court record. I was starting to cross-examine a witness and asked a standard “You and I have never met” question to warm up. He responded in Korea

I have tried learning Korean a few times, but my inability to understand Korean is actually part of a court record. I was starting to cross-examine a witness and asked a standard “You and I have never met” question to warm up. He responded in Korean – he had served in the Korean War and still remembered some. “I actually don’t know Korean,” I admitted, adding that my mother probably would not be too happy to have this said in court. People laughed, I thanked him for his service, and we moved on.

When I was a kid, I hated being asked if I was related to Bruce Lee, a sign of how few Asian Americans were visible in American culture back then. I don’t get asked that anymore, and one of my proudest moments as an Asian-American prosecutor was wha

When I was a kid, I hated being asked if I was related to Bruce Lee, a sign of how few Asian Americans were visible in American culture back then. I don’t get asked that anymore, and one of my proudest moments as an Asian-American prosecutor was what was NOT said in a monthlong fraud trial. I was the lead prosecutor and the judge also happened to be Korean American and to have the same last name – no one bothered to say that we were not related.

My family has had many ups and downs, but education is the constant. When my father died, my mother had four kids aged 4 through 16. Her one mission was to finish what she and my father started, and she managed to see all of us get the kind of educ

My family has had many ups and downs, but education is the constant. When my father died, my mother had four kids aged 4 through 16. Her one mission was to finish what she and my father started, and she managed to see all of us get the kind of education that they had wanted for us (even if none of us went to medical school specifically).

When my father got cancer, I thought about whether we would bring him back to his family’s burial ground in Korea if and when the worst happened. When the worst finally happened, we buried him in a beautiful cemetery near the home that he and my mot

When my father got cancer, I thought about whether we would bring him back to his family’s burial ground in Korea if and when the worst happened. When the worst finally happened, we buried him in a beautiful cemetery near the home that he and my mother had built in this land that they chose. His death sometimes feels to me like a final measure of being an American – whenever I sing the line “land where my fathers died,” that song speaks for me too.

We were sometimes the first Asian people whom people ever saw. My mother remembers a road trip when people in a restaurant stopped eating just to look at us – they were curious. In 1996, when I was a reporter, I drove out to western Illinois to rep

We were sometimes the first Asian people whom people ever saw. My mother remembers a road trip when people in a restaurant stopped eating just to look at us – they were curious. In 1996, when I was a reporter, I drove out to western Illinois to report on a gruesome murder and walked up to an elderly woman. Those conversations sometimes can be awkward, but she was so happy to see me. I was, she said, the first Oriental person she had ever met (for what it’s worth, I was not offended).

Growing up, I did not give much thought to how my parents had grown up, but sometimes there were glimpses. I remember one dinner at Denny’s when my father got mad when we took a long time placing our orders. That may have been the first time that I

Growing up, I did not give much thought to how my parents had grown up, but sometimes there were glimpses. I remember one dinner at Denny’s when my father got mad when we took a long time placing our orders. That may have been the first time that I realized that he had had a very different childhood than mine. “No one in his generation had choices,” my mother later said. “Whatever they were given, they had to eat.”

Back in the 1970s, my parents never could have imagined this moment, when I was sworn in as an Assistant United States Attorney to represent the federal government in court. Back then, they thought that the only path to success for an immigrant kid

Back in the 1970s, my parents never could have imagined this moment, when I was sworn in as an Assistant United States Attorney to represent the federal government in court. Back then, they thought that the only path to success for an immigrant kid was as a doctor or an engineer.

I don’t think of my parents as a "tiger mom" or "tiger dad," but they did make some specific decisions in raising me and my siblings. One was that we did not learn Korean as children. I did later learn some, but I do regret not being able to talk w

I don’t think of my parents as a "tiger mom" or "tiger dad," but they did make some specific decisions in raising me and my siblings. One was that we did not learn Korean as children. I did later learn some, but I do regret not being able to talk with my grandparents - not that I could anyway when this photo was taken!

My father arrived in the United States with just enough money for one taxi ride, not knowing much English, and thinking that this was just for a few years. He soon got a car and then a wife, and then they got a U.S. citizen (I was born in Philadelph

My father arrived in the United States with just enough money for one taxi ride, not knowing much English, and thinking that this was just for a few years. He soon got a car and then a wife, and then they got a U.S. citizen (I was born in Philadelphia). They were not going back, and they literally gave up everything they still owned in Korea to become U.S. citizens themselves.

My parents met on the Fourth of July in Philadelphia, went on many dates, and were engaged by Labor Day. They were part of a new generation – their parents had had arranged marriages and never met before their wedding days. My father also told my m

My parents met on the Fourth of July in Philadelphia, went on many dates, and were engaged by Labor Day. They were part of a new generation – their parents had had arranged marriages and never met before their wedding days. My father also told my mother about another woman he had once loved back in Korea – my mother laughed about why she needed to know that woman’s name, never expecting to ever meet this woman, never suspecting the twist that would come decades later.

My stepfather had only been in the US for about five years when he left his beloved Notre Dame to work in Cambodia with Dr. Tom Dooley, helping establish hospitals and deliver babies. He wanted to pay forward what the US had done for him, to show tha

My stepfather had only been in the US for about five years when he left his beloved Notre Dame to work in Cambodia with Dr. Tom Dooley, helping establish hospitals and deliver babies. He wanted to pay forward what the US had done for him, to show that Americans “have heart and understanding, so much so that they gave me a home when I didn’t have any place to go,” he once wrote.

A movie starring Robert Mitchum and Frank Sinatra as medical students/doctors changed my father's life. He saw Not as a Stranger in Korea and decided to go to medical school himself, a decision that eventually took him to the United States when it n

A movie starring Robert Mitchum and Frank Sinatra as medical students/doctors changed my father's life. He saw Not as a Stranger in Korea and decided to go to medical school himself, a decision that eventually took him to the United States when it needed more doctors.

My great-grandfather opposed women getting an education – he did not see the point. But my grandmother, who did not go to school, fought so hard for this that she threatened to kill herself if her eldest daughter did not go to college. That still d

My great-grandfather opposed women getting an education – he did not see the point. But my grandmother, who did not go to school, fought so hard for this that she threatened to kill herself if her eldest daughter did not go to college. That still did not work, so she sold her jewelry and sent her daughter off in secret anyway. Winning that battle won the war – all four daughters went to college, including my mother.

My stepfather probably would not have become an American except for a horrible accident when he was about 13 years old and working. He was cooking for an American soldier and got severely burned. The soldier took my stepfather to an American hospit

My stepfather probably would not have become an American except for a horrible accident when he was about 13 years old and working. He was cooking for an American soldier and got severely burned. The soldier took my stepfather to an American hospital, and the two became friends during the two months of recovery that followed. That soldier later arranged for my stepfather to go to the US.

My grandmother stayed behind in Seoul with her newborn when the rest of the family left because of the Korean War. She eventually rode on top of a train with her child to reunite with her family. When she got there, my mother did not even recognize

My grandmother stayed behind in Seoul with her newborn when the rest of the family left because of the Korean War. She eventually rode on top of a train with her child to reunite with her family. When she got there, my mother did not even recognize her own mother – she thought her mother was a beggar.

When the Korean War started, my stepfather was in middle school in Pusan, alone and cut off from his family for months. When the war progressed, he sold his most treasured possession (a pen) for train fare back to Seoul. Upon return, he learned tha

When the Korean War started, my stepfather was in middle school in Pusan, alone and cut off from his family for months. When the war progressed, he sold his most treasured possession (a pen) for train fare back to Seoul. Upon return, he learned that an older brother had been taken by North Korean soldiers, never to be seen again.

My father was 10 years old and living here in Seoul when the Korean War began. North Korean soldiers took over his neighborhood and caught him stealing something from their army. They tied him to an electric pole and said they would kill him as an

My father was 10 years old and living here in Seoul when the Korean War began. North Korean soldiers took over his neighborhood and caught him stealing something from their army. They tied him to an electric pole and said they would kill him as an example to the other kids. He thought he was going to die, but his mother found out, begged for his life, and got him released.

I grew up in the 1980s in a Midwestern suburb without many other Asian Americans (this was my soccer team). Now, there are many suburbs that have large Asian American populations, sometimes even the majority of the population.

I grew up in the 1980s in a Midwestern suburb without many other Asian Americans (this was my soccer team). Now, there are many suburbs that have large Asian American populations, sometimes even the majority of the population.

My stepfather played high-school football on Staten Island in the 1950s, when there were less than 50,000 Asian Americans in all of New York State. When I first heard this story, I was skeptical and then actually found New York Times articles mentio

My stepfather played high-school football on Staten Island in the 1950s, when there were less than 50,000 Asian Americans in all of New York State. When I first heard this story, I was skeptical and then actually found New York Times articles mentioning him, including a photograph of him in action (not this one)!

My mom’s legal birthday is not the day she was actually born and instead was a sign of political protest. During the final years of Japan’s rule over Korea, Japanese policy pressured Koreans to take Japanese names, including all children. My mom wa

My mom’s legal birthday is not the day she was actually born and instead was a sign of political protest. During the final years of Japan’s rule over Korea, Japanese policy pressured Koreans to take Japanese names, including all children. My mom was born shortly before the end of World War II, and her father waited to register her birth so that she would never have a Japanese name.

My name is Stephen Lee, and this is me, but this is not Stephen Lee. When I was born, my immigrant parents gave me an “American” first name without realizing how nicknames worked. They hated the nickname associated with my original name and legally

My name is Stephen Lee, and this is me, but this is not Stephen Lee. When I was born, my immigrant parents gave me an “American” first name without realizing how nicknames worked. They hated the nickname associated with my original name and legally renamed me when I was 1 year old – I had to explain this when I became a federal prosecutor and was asked if I’d ever used another name.

My father legally changed his name in the 1970s because people kept mispronouncing his Korean name. He was an immigrant doctor working in the Midwest, and it was just easier. I brought the name back when my son was born – it’s his middle name.

My father legally changed his name in the 1970s because people kept mispronouncing his Korean name. He was an immigrant doctor working in the Midwest, and it was just easier. I brought the name back when my son was born – it’s his middle name.